Journal of Obesity and Fitness Management

Abstract

The "Theory Ambrosia" summarizes essential findings on happiness, mental health and the way to it and condenses them into an all-encompassing theory. This paper describes the elements of the theory and explains how it came about. If we want world peace, there is probably no way around this theory.

Introduction

A story of what could have been a disaster

Once, my friends Gustl, Seppl and me, we met at the sandbox round the corner, near the kindergarten. You must know, Seppl and Gustl always had quarrels in the past. But that time it went too far! Seppl stole Gustl’s favoutite shovel, in an act of cruelty. I thought ‚For god’s sake! How far did we get?’ I wanted to give the shovel back to Gustl, but then Seppl broke it. After I searched my conscience, I took the broken shovel and slapt him with it into his stomach. Hard but fair I think.

Last friday – Gustl, Seppl and me, we are still friends (!) - we spoke about that occurence at the Hofbräuhaus. We laughed and he said: “Woisch, wenn I ned so geduldig gwäse wär, dann hät I di krankenhausreif gschlage!” which means ‚Oh boy, you did the right thing. I’m happy to be your friend!’

Insights into inner workings of happiness, first steps toward a theory

A propos Hofbräu: Last friday, I was in the Hofbräuzelt on the Oktoberfest, which is the biggest fair on earth. After the seventh Mass - believe me, I didn’t want to drink so much! I just always had to clink glasses with all people I saw, because I loved them so much – so after the seventh Mass I shambled onto stage, grabbed the microphone and declared ceremonially to approximately tenthousand people: “I love you all!” The problem with that enterprise, was that circa twohundred peolple wanted to clink glasses with me, after I left stage.

“Alcohol is our enemy” I thought the next day, when I recognised, that I woke up with girl’s underwear on and Mr. Stoiber and Roberto Blanco laying naked beside me.

So, alcohol is our enemy. But like Jesus said: “We have to love our enemies.” (Matthew 5:44, Bible) and I don’t think you want to doubt Jesus!

That leads to my terrific, unchallengeable

“Theory Ambosia – by Jürgen Schneider “

How to solve it all: The theory ambrosia

First of all, a question: What do you think is the reason why your sensibility and feeling for personal nearness is higher when you drink 5 beers (my tip: Augustinerbräu München)? The simple answer is: If you drink the good old alc, you listen much more to your stomachfeeling. And isn’t your stomach much nearer to your heart than your brain? The conclusion I make of this: Beer is the language of hearts. But isn’t alcohol our enemy? Now, I live in Munich. And in Munich beer isn’t is deemed to be alcohol at all. So how many quarrels can be avoided, how many wars would be prevented, if cruel dictators like Putin, Fidel Castro or Hussein would have one over the eight at “Moe’s bar”? You know anyone who would explain a war, in a complete estate of drunkenness?

Results

See this chart - just for the facts:

Ok. You could say, that some people get really aressive, when they’re drunk. You’re right! But like you see on chart II: they are a small minority:

There are ca. 7 400 000 000 people living in our beautiful world. 4% of that would be 296 000 000 people. But what to do with that 296 000 000 people? It’s hard, but we have to sacrifice them. My suggestion: We have to enlarge the Oktoberfest all over the world and get everybody completely screwed like Churchill in his best days. An absolute unprejucied jury consisting of me, will judge, who will be classified in which category. After that, all the rowdies just have to be send to the southpole. Simple, but ingenious. I mean they don’t have to freeze; we can give them the best cosy homes and the latest video games to have fun!

Discussion and Conclusions

Now it’s on me and you to proof this situation, because – although the theory is completely logic - there is no real scientific evidence. This is therefore a call for empirical scientists to contribute toward evidence to get this theory out there and make world peace possible.

References

1. The Bible. Word of God.
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